[Home](https://stoneforgegroup.com/) · [Questions owners ask](https://stoneforgegroup.com/questions/)

# Do the opening minutes of a client meeting really matter?

3 min

The plain answer

More than almost anything that follows – provided they're not filler. Surface chat about the weekend or the weather is small; the real opening minutes are where you get out of your own world and into the client's. What their week has been like, where they are right now, what's on their mind. Rush it or skip it and you rob yourself of the thing you need most: the time to get related.

I raise it because in the businesses we work with, the people winning the work are rarely salespeople. They're engineers, lawyers, project managers, estimators – experts at the work who never chose selling, and who often treat the start of a client meeting exactly the way I used to: something to get through. It matters for two reasons. First, the rest of the conversation draws on what the client brings – their feelings, their read on what's happening; walk straight in and put a number on the table and you're throwing it at them rather than working with them. Second, some meetings surface hard things – a trend heading the wrong way, a decision that hasn't produced what was expected – and you can't open on a subject like that cold.

Done well, the opening gets both sides oriented, lands you on the same page about what's genuinely worth talking about today, and gets you both ready for the work that needs two people present. For people whose client relationships are sacred, it isn't a sales technique bolted on – it's craft, and it deepens the relationship and the results together.

Transcript

Every word of the video, in plain text.

## Why I used to skip the small talk

When I reflect back on it, I realize I never used to do small talk. I wasn’t comfortable with it. I thought it was a waste of time, something to get through before the real work of the meeting started. Psychologically, you could probably say I was in my own head more than anything, and that may well be true.

## Small talk and getting related are not the same thing

But what I came to understand, doing the work I do now, is that small talk isn’t small at all. It’s only small when it’s a filler. Surface chat about the weekend, the weather, whatever fills a silence. And that’s not what I’m talking about. The opening meeting minutes are the ones where we get out of our own world and into our clients. Rush it, or skip it, and we rob ourselves of the one thing we most need. The time to get related. To understand where the client’s head is at right now. What their week has been like. What’s on their mind.

## The experts whose work was never selling

And I raise this because the businesses that we work with, the people winning the work are rarely salespeople. They’re the engineers, the lawyers, the project managers, the estimators, experts at the work whose work was never selling. And who often treat the start of a client meeting exactly the way I used to. Something to get through.

## Two reasons this matters

And this matters for two reasons. The first is that the rest of the conversation draws on what the client brings. Their feelings, their sense of what’s happening, what could happen next. Walk straight in and put a number on the table, and that’s precisely what you’re doing. Throwing it at them, rather than working with them. And the second is that some of these meetings surface hard things. A trend heading the wrong way. A decision that hasn’t produced what was expected. And you can’t just open on a subject like that cold.

## The order that makes it work

For years, I couldn’t have told you how I do this. I only knew when it had gone well. But it comes down to order. Come into their world before yours. Before a number or recommendation leaves your mouth, ask two or three questions and mean them. What’s had their attention this week? Whether the business feels stretched or flat or busy? What’s changed since we last spoke? Open questions, the kind that they can’t answer in one word. And then let them talk it out. Don’t reach for your agenda the moment there’s a gap. Your only job in these first minutes is to get related and find out what’s actually happening today. Which is often not what was on the agenda when the meeting was booked.

And if there’s something hard to raise, this is what earns you the standing to raise it. You get related first, and then the difficult conversation has somewhere to stand.

## Closing the opening

And then close the opening simply. Say back what you’ve heard and agree one or two things that are worth the time today. And now you’re both oriented. You’re on the same page, ready for the work that needs both people present, rather than the one presenting and the other receiving.

For people whose relationship with their clients is sacred, this isn’t a sales technique bolted on. It’s the same craft I had to learn myself. Skip the beginning, and the rest of the meeting quietly underperforms until eventually you stop looking forward to the meetings, and so does your client.

[Next question Why has my business plateaued when I'm working harder than ever?](https://stoneforgegroup.com/questions/why-has-my-business-plateaued/)

### See where your own selling sits

Seven quick questions, a gut answer to each – no email asked for, nothing you answer is saved. Useful whether or not we ever speak.

[See Where You Sit →](https://stoneforgegroup.com/scorecard/)

Sense it's the numbers, not the selling? [Take the financial scorecard →](https://stoneforgegroup.com/financial-scorecard/)

This is the kind of thing that's hard to see from the inside and quick to see from outside it. [Tell us where it sits](https://stoneforgegroup.com/contact/) in your business and we'll tell you what we'd look at first.